Embracing Light in the Shadow of Loss
One father’s reflection on finding resilience, purpose, and connection after tragedy
Trigger warning — This article mentions suicide, although it focuses on my reaction and how my life has changed since the event.
My daughter Holly took her own life six years ago. What felt like staring into or being consumed by a black hole has become quite different.
A black hole is only known to exist because of the presence of light around it. Or, as NASA put it:
A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. The gravity is so strong because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space. This can happen when a star is dying. Because no light can get out, people can’t see black holes.
The moment my wife put down the phone, and I heard the words Holly and suicide in the same sentence, I felt that pull of gravity sucking all the light out of my world. Six years after the event, I can still feel that pull of gravity towards dark despair, but I can take a step back and notice how the black hole allowed me to appreciate the light around me more than I ever have before.
